life is outside your door.

posted on: Wednesday, 5 February 2014

last tuesday, i saw city & colour live. it's something i've wanted for years, but for some reason, i've always been too late to buy tickets. as soon as his uk/europe 2014 tour was announced, i bought tickets, i didn't ask who wanted to come, i just bought two and decided to figure it out later.
it was magical. it was everything i wanted it to be and more. he may have outgrown a small academy venue, but he still had the ability to silence a room with his voice.
2010-2012 were the hardest years of my short life and while it was happening, i felt like the whole world was crashing on top of me and i'd never be able to get out. looking back on it i never really understood how bad my anxiety & paranoia were. i'd ignore attacks as me being stupid. i'd constantly be worried and reverted back to being a five year old, not being able to go anywhere without someone.
thankfully, i'm so much better now. my anxiety is still there, but it's nowhere near as severe as it was. i'm hardly having panic attacks anymore, in the past few months i've had under five. i hate talking about it & i'm so glad i'm not riddled with anxiety when i'm about to go somewhere; i still get a bit nervous and my stomach is full of butterflies, but it doesn't stop me from doing most things.
this year, i want to do more. i want to go to places and see things and be with people (but not for too long at one time). this summer i want to go to a couple of places and hopefully i'll be able to save up to go. i'm excited for 2014, the year i'm going to ignore my anxiety and walk out of the door.


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